In Honor of My Father, Douglass Brandiburg...RIP

This morning...With tear stained eyes...I press through the key strokes..trying not to cry but the tears keep streaming...To know I only knew you for a while...breaks my heart, because forever thjere will be a firsthand experience mystery that I never got to experience..

I never got to know what your true passions were, nor your dreams, what your favorite food was...I never got to know YOU...The times I spent with you..you showed pride in me being your son, how I looked like you..How you called me your twin...I felt safe knowing that you cared so much for me...though you were never there...

I can remember when I went to your home in 02..a Connection was birthed that I had no idea I would encounter with you..I saw a glimpse into your faith..and how you loved the Lord as I glanced over your confessions you had on your walls. In my head I thought "Wow...He might be more serious about God than I ever thought.." We parted ways that summer..little did I know that the silence between us would even be greater...

9 whole years pass by...But there wasn't a week that I didnt pray for you nor a Month in those years that I didn't think about you because with every glimpse in the mirror I saw you...You were staring back at me..telling me I could be something..Telling me that I didn't have to fear..telling me that I could be a Great Father...a Great Husband..a strong Leader...you told me that you Loved me...though I hadn't heard it from your lips...But I imagined that it was you saying it as I spoke...I remember the day that I spoke with you and it was as if there was not a breach in time as we caught up and I could tell you all the wonderful things that had happened in my life and you got to share in the joy in knowing that I was a husband, and a father and following God with ALL of my heart...You assured me that you Loved me and I FELT the sincerity in your voice as you called me "your twin"...The sound of your voice was so comforting to me...

We kept in contact for a few weeks and then the number changed and I was met by silence again...But it was okay..The words you spoke to me on that day were enough...you sent me a picture through text wishing me a happy Easter..Cleverly with your hat tilted up a bit and a cigarette in the side of your mouth..lol...Written in the caption were those words that I Longed to know..."I Love You"...

I had a dream a few nights ago that you had died...So I prayed...I thought about you Yesterday...and I prayed..I thought about you TODAY...and I prayed..not knowing that today would be your last day on Earth..but THIS time...I Cried and I prayed...as the reality set in that I didnt have a chance to have you meet TJ...That He didn't get to meet his Grandpa...That yo didn't get to meet my beautiful bride Nova..That I didn't get to see you, embrace you, smell your beer/cigarette breath again lol...Truth of the matter is..though your weren't present in my life..your were So NEAR in my heart...

I Love you and honor you Dad...Always have...and ALWAYS WILL...

Imma Keep Running!
TS